Stepping outside my comfort zone, and meeting an old friend.

Tonight I went out in the rain and the dark to the university campus, to go to a little Nova ScienceCafe event. It was so hard to find parking and I had to walk a long way. I was all alone. I kept wanting to turn back, to find my own familiar space and not do this strange thing. I was skipping choir practice to go to this event, but I could still turn back. I really was afraid, but I found myself more afraid of failing to move forward. If I had not gone through with my plan for the evening, it's quite possible that I would have shut a door on part of myself.

As it is, I feel weak and sick. The event itself was interesting enough, a little diversion, a bit of entertainment and education. Of all the oddest things, I found an old friend there that I have been trying to connect with for a couple of weeks. She just happened to be there! The world finds a way, it seems. How odd. We hugged each other for a moment, but a moment is all there was. She had to be away, rather like a bird splashing at the birdbath for a moment and then winging off. That is okay, because I was at a loss for words anyway. I wanted so much to talk to her for hours, but the timing is all off tonight.

I am all off tonight. I am weeping and I don't know why. I saw my friend, I went to the presentation, I had a nice time and learned new things. Yet I feel sick now and tears are rolling down my face. It makes no sense. I don't know what is wrong with me. I was fine during the event and afterwards, but now that I am home I am falling apart. It makes no sense. I did something new and different, but that shouldn't be enough to make me feel so weak and dizzy. I feel a little feverish and unreal, somewhat removed from reality. How bizarre.

I give up for tonight. I just give up. I don't know what to think or do or say, I officially give up for the night.