Much Gumbo

After the day finally ground down to an end, at 4pm I went to Ascension to see about making the gumbo. I was expecting it to be a few people, mostly women, stirring a couple of big pots with long spoons. Oh, haha, heehee. I was so wrong.

There was a big crowd with as many men as women, and the pots were the biggest I have ever seen in my life. They were heating over propane burners and the rim of them came up to my waist. Someone handed me a plastic boat paddle and it was time to start stirring. Over the next six hours I stirred and watched the gumbo grow. Everyone was talking and laughing, taking turns stirring so that no one got too tired. Everyone circulated from pot to pot, visiting everybody else.

At one point I wasn't talking to anyone, just standing and stirring a pot while the conversations swirled around me. The air was full of steam and the smell of the gumbo. It was warm by the pots but the chill of the night was close by. The back and forth of the paddle through the thick gumbo was a little hypnotizing to watch. And I thought, "This is it." It was absolutely everything that I could have hoped for. My senses were full and I was surrounded by happy activity. I felt a sense of belonging and ease that is very very rare for me.

All of my efforts are like stones, and I'm using them to build a city of life for myself. Some things are like pebbles, like the Strategically Deployed Treats. Other more substantial interactions are like bricks. Everything that I do is building material, with one of the Goals in mind. Tonight was an end in and of itself. Yes, it laid a lot of groundwork for the future, but it was full and complete and good all by itself. I'm always trying to make a good impression and connect with people, and I'm sure I did a lot of that tonight, but I forgot myself and managed to just be in the moment as well. It was really nice.

I didn't realize until just now, but being there tonight will change the way it feels when I go to church on Sundays from now on. People will respond to me more, and I will not feel so shy. We'll have shared experience to draw upon, slight though it may be. That's how things grow though, little experiences that pile up against each other. I am looking forward to it.

For now though, I am going to bed. It's been a long day.