Maybe some sense of resolution for now

Some of my agony over Job lifted when it occurred to me that it's a metaphor. It's not a literal story about a literal man named Job. It's an examination of the suffering that is just part of being human. Everyone suffers. God didn't just hang one good man out to dry, didn't just wantonly turn a precious living being over to the devil for a bet. In the book, God isn't using us as a plaything, or betraying trust. And while there is no indication that God is sorrowful about what happens to Job, there are places where God calls Job a good man of integrity who stays away from evil. Job seems to matter to God. Even when God gave the devil the go-ahead to torment Job, there was a limit as to how far the devil could go, having to first not harm Job and then after that was rescinded to not kill him.

So if Job is a representative of all the people, then that would mean that God has taken note of that. It isn't that God was ignoring Job/people. What happened to Job/people was of interest to God. So I have what I was crying out for, which is evidence from the words of the story itself that God wasn't just being cruel or indifferent. I still don't understand why the innocent have to suffer, but I freely accept that they do. I've seen it enough, it is real. All I wanted was a way to reconcile the story with the God of love whom I am coming to know. God cared about Job, but people suffer. I don't know why that should have to be, but it is. God answers Job by talking about the ordering of the universe, which is beyond men's understanding. So it looks like the reason people suffer is beyond our understanding? I don't know, it doesn't resonate with my heart to just say "it happens" and leave it at that. It deserves to be explored and given deep consideration, rather than just shutting everything down like that. There has to be room for questioning. The answer will be the same, but I'm going to need it used in a different sentence.

Now I'm confused for a different reason, because the story spends so much time on the words of the three friends but then at the end, God tells them that they were wrong in what they said. So none of that "wisdom" that was being offered for so many chapters is supposed to be used? Because there's a lot of things that people point to, there. Are all of the ideas expressed by the three friends wrong? And what do we do with Elihu's words, because he just disappears from the story altogether after he says his piece. All of a sudden there's a whirlwind and God is talking. It's a very abrupt jump cut. Then God says that the friends were wrong and they have to make sacrifices and Job has to pray for them. No further mention of Elihu. It's like we're missing a little bit of the story.

This is all small beans, though. It's mostly a structural quibble. If the three friends are wrong, then they're wrong and I should read their words to know what not to say. It's nothing compared to my despair when I thought God was indifferent or actually cruel.

So nascent faith squeaks by by a fingernail. This has been a difficult journey. It's going to happen, though. I can't do the pietist sudden conversion, any more than I can do the turn-your-brain-off literalism. If I'm going to do this, it's going to be examined at every step because that is who and what I am and I have to be able to defend what I believe, even if it's just to myself. There are going to be other questions, ones that I might not be so lucky as to resolve as quickly as this. An uncomfortable few days is nothing. There will be long dark nights of the soul in the future. I know it and I fear it and I hope that I can find grace to bear it. It will just be a little easier to do it with faith now.