Feeling Very Good!

So I took a week off from blogging, which is not something I intended to do. I was out of town for a few days, and then out of the habit for the next few days. But I am back now!

One thing that I have noticed over the past 3 days is that I am rather happy and content. The feelings of struggling and wrestling with things have been quieted. I feel upbeat and centered. I've managed to get my mileage up to 4 miles a day!

Everything isn't perfect, though. I still haven't lost any weight, it's still hard to stick to my eating plan, I still can't sing, but it all seems to have a normal portion of concern, rather than being huge. My sister is still chronically ill, and my brother is still depressed, but I feel free to support them without staggering under the burden. My home is kind of messy, but it's more clean than not. It's not all wonderful, but it seems manageable.

I still have the same doubts and fears, I checked and they're all still there. I've written about feeling hopeful, which I have been, but there has always been an undercurrent of paralysis holding me back from being joyful as I am now. I still want approval, but right now I don't crave it. I still wish my body were different, but I don't hate it.

I don't know what has changed. My medicine is the same, my life is the same. I've changed my diet somewhat, but I'm not taking any exotic supplements or eating special foods. I'm exercising more, but it's because I feel better, I think. Or maybe one feeds off the other. I've been doing a lot of reading about motivation and goal-setting, trying to change my thinking. Maybe that is it. Perhaps it's all a cumulative process.

I'm so happy about it, though. I am trying to treasure and enjoy every minute of it, because I know what it feels like not to have this. I'm also going to keep doing everything I've been doing since November. The Happiness Project is working!