I can be nice. It's even rather easy to be nice. But being kind is hard. To be nice is to refrain from doing harm or even to take some action on someone's behalf. But being kind requires love and patience as well as willingness to action. "Nice" I do all the time. Looking deep in my heart, I ain't done "kind" lately.
Now I get to go to bed and try to sleep with that sitting on my heart. The meds will take over eventually, but until they do, I have to live with the fear of what will happen to me if I pray for kindness. It's a cruel catch-22, that developing a virtue is done through suffering situations that call for the virtue in question. I want to be comfortable, but growing as a person means that I have to develop kindness. And that is done through difficulty. So I guess kindness-specific difficulty lies ahead of me.
I don't like myself very much right now. It's not pleasant to see something ugly in your heart. Or to discover that something you felt good about was only a cheap copy of what it should be.
Dear Jokamo,
ReplyDeleteIn the end, the situations that produce the virtue prove worth it. It's never pleasant, or easy to go through, but the end result will be you liking you more.
Hugs,
mimi