Had my hair on sideways today

Whenever I feel cranky and out of sorts, I say that I have my hair on sideways. As a child, I got the idea from some cartoon where a character was blasted by a shotgun or an explosion or something, and after the smoke cleared, their hair had been knocked sideways. So they would feel pretty aggravated, I would think. Anyway, that's the origin of the phrase.

I am usually a very helpful person. I genuinely enjoy helping people under most circumstances. For some reason today was a day when I really did not like my customers. Usually the customers are fine and it's the boredom of the job that I object to, but today I disliked the people who were calling. Ordinary people, just wanting their tax forms, nothing any different, but I wanted them all to go away and leave me alone. There is absolutely no reason for being like that today, but that was me. I have no idea why I was so irritable today.

Leaving aside being irritable, today was a pretty good day. The weather was beautiful and I got out for a half mile walk. I would have gone for longer, but the splits in my heels were painful and I didn't want them to split farther. Tomorrow I will not walk at all, because we will be at Clayton's for the game all day and into the night, so maybe they will benefit from the rest. I'm keeping them oiled with coconut oil and have two pairs of socks on for cushioning.

The coconut oil is something that was suggested to me by someone in one of my online communities. It's rather messy, and I don't know if it will help my feet, but it certainly isn't hurting them. It seems to be a nice moisturizer on my hands, as I smear it on my heels. Since today was payday, I ordered some lotion bars from the same place I got my soaps, Chagrin Valley. I hope that they will be able to help keep my feet in good shape. I certainly didn't mean to let them get so bad! It just snuck up on me, and it was like I wasn't really seeing them. When I was sitting in the pedicure chair, and I realized the shape they were in, with the splits in the heels and the sores on the top of the feet, I confess to being a tiny bit scared. Messing around and neglecting my feet like that is a good way to lose them. Unlikely right now, because I've still got good circulation, but the fact remains that I have diabetes now and my body will not always be able to forgive my trespasses. I have to start taking better care of myself!

But I'm in the process of doing so. There's just so much that needs to be done, so many things that I need to take care of, so much urgency and so little energy. I'm trying to take it one step at a time and not get overwhelmed, because that is the only way that I am going to be able to do it. It just seems as though every day brings something new to my attention, something that has gotten way out of whack and needs some ongoing action taken about it. I've gone from taking care of nothing to trying to take care of everything.

Today I talked on the phone with my sister and my brother. It was good to hear their voices and I yearn to hear them more often. Part of me wishes we could live together or very near each other, so that I would always have them near, but that is selfish of me. It would be like having a built-in social circle of people who were endlessly interested in you and how you were doing. That sounds great, it really does. But I could get lazy that way, and not build the outside relationships that I need to. I have to find love and acceptance apart from my family. I have to find ways to be with my family from 2 hours away, and I have to find ways to visit with them in person more often. They are important, and they are the friends I have had the longest. It's fun to fantasize about living close together, but the truth is that we would probably aggravate the living hell out of each other and it is better that we are apart, so that we will appreciate it when we can be together.

So yeah, that's today. Irritable for some reason, still had a good day, trying to take care of things, and wishing for more time with my brother and sister. Time to put it to bed.