The title pretty much says it all. For 2 weeks I have been staggering, faltering, and not pursuing the Happiness Project. My sister's crises have settled down for now, I've been home for the past 10 days, and all that big talk about getting back into the swing of things has not paid off. I have not only fallen off the horse, the horse has run off out of sight.
So that is the bad news: I'm not doing as well as I was. The good news is that I'm still trying. I seem to be in a slump, but it's not a crash. The structure I've been building for myself is holding. It's creaking here and there, and I'm not moving forward, but I'm not losing it all, as I feared I might.
Exercise was the first thing to go. That's not suprising, since it was the last thing to be added. It's where I'm the weakest, obviously. I've fallen into "all or nothing" thinking. Just 10 minutes of doing something is worthwhile, I don't have to do 4 miles every time.
Blogging was the second thing to go. I just haven't felt like dealing with it. There's no accomplishments to report, no new insights to comment on. I haven't been doing much thinking at all. Just struggling not to fall in a hole. But forcing myself to make this entry is helping me clarify some things.
Recording my intake and doing things to earn SparkPoints was the third thing to go. I also haven't been drinking enough water, which is incredibly simple. It just has seemed like more effort than it was worth, and that is obviously not true. It was the last of the new health-seeking behaviors to fall by the wayside, so I hope that I can pick it up again easily.
So those are things which were not gelled into habits yet. I got disrupted, and have entered into a little rough patch. There are other parts of the Happiness Project that have held firm; I'm still going to church and taking part in choir, I'm still seeking out social contact in the real world, I'm still trying to stay connected with society by engaging online. I'm still working, even though call volume has deeply dropped and my hours have been severely cut; there is just the tiniest secret hope in my heart that I might be able to go back to a real job that uses my education. At this point, that seems a thousand miles away, but at least it is closer than the million miles away that it was before.
I have been disappointed with myself for not carrying my good activities forward. It has felt like failure. But I know from past experience that I am more aware of myself and I have a position of strength in dealing with my low mood and lack of motivation. This is not a failure, it is a slump; I'm not going to call it a downcycle, because I'm not suffering from really abnormal distorted thinking. I'm just low on energy and having trouble with focus and concentration. I want to turn inward for a while, which is exactly what I am not going to do. I have to maintain my outward connections! I will make small steps towards getting back into those behaviors that have fallen by the wayside. I will not beat myself up about it. I will be patient and go looking for the horse. When I find the horse, I will approach it in a simple way and make the changes I need to in order to climb back on.
The foundation was well laid, and is holding. That means you can rebuild.
ReplyDeleteTime to throw away the rear view mirror, learn the lessons from the speed bumps you encountered, move forward.
In other words, just as you plan.
You can do it.